Stress

Yeap you got that right.

The time has come and it is time for my exams again. I am in the office now and I'm suppose to study but I am doing ANYTHING but that.

Suddenly felt like giving up and just skip the exam, but I know I have to finish what I started.
Lost my motivation, maybe I'm just running away.

Craving for hot fudge sundae from Mac since last night, but I manage to kick the temptation away,
will it come after me again tonight and I have to fight against it again?

Reduced my training by more than half because I spend the time studying in library.

Anyway I just celebrated my 25th birthday a week ago. Time flies and I am already an adult!
When I was younger, I looked forward to receiving presents and having many exciting celebrations.
Maybe I'm old now,
but just seeing your friends making time to come out and have a meal to celebrate your birthday is more than enough for me, especially so after I found out how disappointed I was when some close friends didn't turn up.

Have so many things planned for 2015,
I am excited for it yet I'm dragging now cause of my freaking exam.
Have to keep telling myself to get it over and done with!

Don't feel very good cause I feel out of shape and weak and restless and tired because I haven't trained as much as I would like to.

Ok I really need to get back to studying.
Let me post a selfie of myself. Realised I haven't been posting photos onto my blog.

1. Lazy
2. I'm not as photogenic as I was before. LOL

Just found out this beauty mode from my S5.
SERIOUSLYYYYY made me look slimmer, now I know why do bloggers or social media users look SO nice in some photos it looked unreal.

And after a few encounters, I have definitely concluded that YOU CAN NEVER BELIEVE WHAT YOU SEE ONLINE.

Okay back to my books.
Oh my hair looks funneh

Not in that way

And I hate to say I love you
When it's so hard for me
And I hate to say I want you
When you make it so clear
You don't want me

I'd never ask you cause deep down
I'm certain I know what you'd say
You'd say I'm sorry believe me
I love you but not in that way

And I hate to say I need you

I'm so reliant
I'm so dependent
I'm such a fool

When you're not there
I find myself singing the blues

Can't bear
Can't face the truth

You will never know that feeling
You will never see through these eyes

I'd never ask you

'Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say
You'd say I'm sorry
Believe me
I love you

But not in that way

You'd say I'm sorry
Believe me
I love you
But not in that way

Not very wise

To know things you are not suppose to.
To listen to emo music when you don't feel good.
To see things you shouldn't.
To listen to things you shouldn't.

Need a wakeup call.

Am I worth just like that?

Stupid.

Dear Cherry,

Whenever I see Sheena I see you in her and that sadness seeps in a little once again.
That smile you both have....

Be safe wherever you are.
Dearly missed by me :')

Xoxo

Counting down...

10 MORE DAYS TO BANGKOK!
HOMG so fucking excited.

Always wanted to go Bangkok for a damnnnnn long time but never got around to doing it.
Friends would always go "WHAT?! You've never been to Bangkok?!?!?!?!"

So yeah. I'm going this time bitches!!!
*Inserts video of random guy in shades shooting rounds everywhere with 2 machine guns*

Finally got down to taking leaves, purchasing air tickets and booking accomodation with Winson and Pangsai.

May be too early to say, but I'm not that excited for the shopping cause I'm pretty broke this 2 months.
But but but.
Like I say, don't say too early yo.

BANGKOK BABY 8)

Everybody deserves to be loved.

Am I an exception?

#maybe

It's not that I don't want to do it,
I just hate to clear shits that others created.

Haven't been blogging for so long.
Not as if I've blogged properly, my posts are all just words and they all seemed sad every time.
What has gotten into me?
I used to be full of energy and just so happy,
these days I'm just tired and I seemed to have lost all the "weeeee" Yeahhhhh" "wooohoooo" in me..

So have I actually matured more (being more serious) or something else is wrong?

I'm starting to feel I have too much on my plate/I'm biting off more than I can chew.
Or maybe I just need to be more organized.

Work has been piling up and that is not a bad thing I would say.
But I just can't stand working with people who abuses their authority, which they don't even deserve in the first place, on me.
It's just so damn annoying....

Bong's wedding is coming soon in September and I sure got loads of things to do because I am one of her sisters and I need to freaking lose fats.

I always look 1.5 times bigger in photos, and I don't want to be forced to untag myself when the photos start coming up on Facebook...

Nothing to blog about already.

I changed my phone. Goodbye 4S, Hello Samsung S5.
I finally straightened my hair, Byebye frizzy & unmanageable & hair that keeps breaking when I comb.

Oh, and I'm seriously running out of exercise apparels. But why are they so expensive?!

Not here nor there.

Where?

Feels

ME.

Everyday's a learning journey.

Recently I've been learning how to better control my emotions and not just say whatever I want in the heat of anger, wanting to talk back, making myself feel better.

But why do some people just have to be such assholes, serious bitches?

On one hand I'm learning to control myself, on the other I'm just letting people step all over me thinking and I am allowing people to hurt me constantly.

I can't seem to bring myself to give them a good comeback and can't seem to make myself not get hurt with their stupid remarks.

There's a balance for everything.
I'm always on extreme ends........

Still, got to learn.

I cannot take it anymore.

So gonna go for hair straightening at Junie's soon,
after I get my thyroid hormones level right.

This broom hair is pissing me off &%^@&^%@

My colleague said I've put on weight.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK :(

I will do something about it after my exams, JUST WAIT

>:(

Isolation

Just so damn bloody happy I am homed, sitting here, listening to radio and blogging.

Past 2 days I was isolated in the hosptal after taking my RAI, and boy it was killing me mentally.
And most of the time I was nausea and feeling hungry because......
I hated the hospital food, it has such a weird smell.
I figured it's the oil they use because it's in ALL their food, no matter lunch or dinner.
I only ate the fruits they gave and chuck the rest of the food into the bin, untouched.
I saw the girl (who was isolated with me cause we are both radioactive) forcing the food down, and the smell of it just makes me want to puke.
So everytime when she eats it, I will have the blanket over my head and wished she'll finish her meal soon.
Sighs I came home and Mom brought me dinner.
But whenever I think of the smell of the hospital food, my stomach churns and I lose my appetite.
Don't think don't think!

I can only probably eat Western now, because Chinese food (especially stir-fry meat and rice) just makes me feel so nausea..

Anyhoo, the RAI didn't give me any side effects.
Supposedly salivary glands will be swollen and have dry mouth but I am fine.
Supposedly you will puke but they gave us anti-nausea pills before that (but my nausea comes from the hospital food). I knew a lady in another room who puked :|

So after being locked up in the room and having the nurses avoid us like we are some deadly virus (there was a nurse who really SIAM-ed me when we were walking back to the room after drinking.)
the nurse came in at 6.15am and took my blood (AGAIN!) but she came in at a good time cause I was still quite drowsy so it didn't hurt that much :p
And did a scan. Had to lie down still and not move at all for 20 minutes. My legs were not straight and when the doctor showed me the X-ray I giggled a little cause I looked funny :p

I don't really understand the films and the doctor is a cover doctor as my in-charge was not available that day so he didn't explain much, just said it looks good for now because the thyroid tissues are in the 'normal' areas where they are suppose to be.
I just see dark spots in my salivary gland, neck, some in my intestines and one chunk at my anus/bladder (cause I haven't excrete them)
but they say need to get my blood test results back to have my 'tumor marker' known so have a better diagnosis.


Anyway I'm seeing my doctor (surgeon actually) next week and I shall ask him more.

Okay I am done here.
Just happy to be back.
But have to keep my distance away from pregnant ladies and children below 5 years old.
And wash my clothes seperately for the next 3 days.

Peiyi be good! It will be over soon.

Thyrogen

Hello.

Today's my 2nd Thyrogen shot and tomorrow will be my first RAI treatment.

What is Thyrogen?
It's just a fucking fucking expensive jab that increases my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormones) to a certain level so that I can proceed to do RAI.

TSH basically increases when your thyroid hormone levels is very low.
Traditionally, thyroid cancer patients stop taking the pills for about 4 weeks after removing their thyroid, to naturally increase their TSH

(In simpler terms, no thyroid hormones in your body, thus your body produces this TSH to 'try to stimulate your body to release thyroid hormones' but we don't have thyroid gland anymore so there's nothing coming out but your body will keep increasing the TSH because there's no hormones!)

Anyway. Using traditional method of weaning yourself off the meds has side effects of making you Hypo,
which I am most afraid of because I have heard from a fellow friend who said it was one of the most miserable period in her life.

Physically you get fat and swollen and achy joints.
Mentally you feel tired, depressed, forgetful and other nonsense.

So the doctor offered my this man-made TSH called Thyrogen which is about $3000+ for 2 bloody shots.
I could take this now because I am covered by my Insurance, for NOW.
Taking this jab does not require me to stop my medications but just 2 days of injection before treatment day.

And my body seemed to not like this;
been feeling nausea and having a throbbing headache.

So I'm gonna stop blogging now cause I think I am going to puke something out,
though my last meal was at 12pm -_-

It always get worse after a nap.

Tomorrow's the day!
Nope, not excited at all.

RAI

RAI on 21 May and doctor has put me on a Low Iodine Diet (LID) for 2 weeks.
He said: No seafood, fish, seaweed (Basically anything that lives in the sea, because apparently things that lives in the sea has high content of iodine).

Why low iodine?

The short-term low-iodine diet is another part of preparing to receive radioactive iodine for papillary or follicular thyroid cancer or one of their variants. 

The diet, recommended by ThyCa Medical Advisors, other thyroid cancer experts, and the American Thyroid Association, increases the effectiveness of the radioactive iodine treatment. 

This diet lasts for about 1 to 2 weeks before your radioiodine, and for about 1 to 2 days afterward. 

This diet reduces your consumption of regular iodine so that when the radioactive iodine is given for treatment, any remaining thyroid cells, including thyroid cancer cells, will be “hungry” for iodine. These cells will then more readily absorb the radioactive iodine, which will eventually destroy them. 

There are slight variations in guidelines from different doctors. The ThyCa diet and guidelines have received input and review by numerous thyroid cancer specialists. 

Source: http://www.thyca.org/pap-fol/lowiodinediet/

Website says: AVOID alot of food.
Doctor says: Just anything that lives in the sea (including Oyster Sauce :( !!!)

Just yesterday (Mother's Day), I felt bad like shit because every restaurants we go to, we have to ask if there's any seafood ingredient in their food.

1) Ajisen (seasoning has slight seafood, CANNOT)
2) Siam Kitchen (70% of dishes are seafood, CANNOT)
3) Dian Xiao Er (Went through the menu scrutinising all the dishes, asking the waitress (this one got oyster sauce? got shrimps? got seafood inside?) and manage to order whatever that's left - Duck, veggies, and sweet and sour pork.
Family added a fish for themselves because the items we ordered just looks SO SAD.

Felt so miserable I don't want to eat in a group anymore from now till my RAI finishes.

We had to eat at Lot1 cause they wanted to go City Chain and buy the pair of watch that costs $864.

Pocket burn-burning-BURNT!

So I totally avoid seafood and cut down the rest that are stated in the website, to make sure my life won't be that miserable for 2 weeks.

Sighs, no protein shake after workout too, so I have to prepare SOME food that I could eat right after gym class so I won't go hungry and faint on my 1-hour ride home after.......

My diet really has to change after removing my thyroid. Which includes,
avoiding Milk, Cheese and Butter for my breakfast (WHICH IS ALL MY FAVOURITE FOR BREAKFAST!!!!!!!!) for the rest of my life if I plan to take my Thyroid pills in the morning when I wake up, unless I wake up 4 hours before my intended wake-up time and just to eat da pills.

And in preparation of RAI... This is my first time getting it and doctor says it will not be the last.

"I'm radioactive, radioactive....."
This song kept replaying in my mind when I think of RAI.
Like "Hey Ma! Look! I'm radioactive!"
Ok lame.
Bye!

My blog seems to be growing into a journey for Thyroid Cancer.

MEHHHHH~

POST-OP WEEK 2

Updates:

Voice is back to the squeaky hoarse voice.
Either I sound like a tranny or I have to sound like a girl trying fucking damn hard to act cute.
The previous time I took about 7-8 weeks to totally recover my voice.
It's only week 2 now and it's improving alot faster than previous,
hopefully I get to recover by week 4!

Surgery this time is alot less painful:
1. I told the anesthesia doctor about my worries as my previous op was a nightmare, especially when the GA was administered and when I woke up. She's alot more experienced so I didn't even remember when I blacked out and when I woke up I didn't feel pain at all.
2. I got 3 small holes this time unlike the 7cm scar previously.

So my wound is pretty much closed now, just that I get very sore and inflamed around my left chest area.
Decided to go back to the gym next Friday for my favourite instructor's Bodypump/CXWorx!
Will take lighter weights this time and start all over again.
Going crazy with all the inactive things that I've been doing.

Oh yeah seeing Radiation doctor next Wednesday.
Let's just kick this cancer in the ass and get it out of my body!

Go go Peiyi!
Hwaitinggggg~ :D

There's many things I want to say... But let's just keep it this way.

Feel.

Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon, why am I holdin’ on
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast
This is our last night, but it’s late and I’m tryin’ not to sleep
‘Cuz I know, when I wake I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa

Here I am starring, at your perfection in my arms; so beautiful.
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burnin’ out.
Somebody slow it down.
This is way too hard, ‘cuz I know when the sun comes up I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memories

I never wanted to stop, because I don’t want to start all over, start all over
I was afraid of the dark, but now it’s all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

:(

You will never. 

Dragging my feet to school after a tiring day at work fighting with politics like im in a rat race, and dreading the next operation next Monday. Not knowing how to deal without a thyroid and trying to get the right dosage for my medication after.

Browsing Facebook and saw so many posts from different girls I met during the interview, posting about their flying life now and their trainings which looked so fun.

Can't help but wonder, what have I done to deserve this? 

Why did my life took such a huge turn?

The file, which held all my documents for the interview - passport, bank statement, passport photo, educational certs - to the file which held all my medical reports and the endless number of bills that are still incoming.

It could be me now, in another country looking at the world. Or donning the gorgeous uniform feeling proud of myself.

But look at me now. A small part of me actually hate myself.

I know, always look at the positive side. 

But not today. 

I blame my PMS. 

Feeling so emotional, I even had a 1-2 second thought of ending this life that I don't feel worth living for.

But it's for only a split second.

Ok lesson is starting soon. I just need to vent.

I feel like shit. 

Time to wolf down my cold dinner which I bought since lunch time, and start mugging.

Fly away

I have this idea of just booking a plane ticket, pack up and go on a trip.

Taiwan, Sydney or maybe Hong Kong (not so much as I can't speak basic Cantonese well)

Leave my job, bills and problems and be alone for awhile.

Or maybe a small beach holiday?

I dislike this roller coaster inside of my mind.

Please, go away.

Move

'Withdrawal of Application for Cabin Crew',
Mail sent.
Mail acknowledged.

One thing off my head,
it's time to move on to the next phase.

Thank you Victor,
for helping me with writing the email.

And also,
Not gonna have chicken rice for lunch at work anymore Zzzzz
Stupid garlic.

I need more sleep.

Wait, do I?

Or I just need rest.

Many things in mind and I feel very head-block. 

Maybe I don't rest when I sleep. 

Wtf is the purpose for this post?

Just saying...

I am very tired :O

Emotional

Wonder if its just all these hormones rage going on inside of me again, 

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Feeling under appreciated, taken granted of.

Like, worthless, forgettable.

Honestly I believe there are people who cares about me, maybe it's just that I'm not getting it from people that I want to.

Life doesn't go according to what you want anyways.

Should appreciate those who cared about me instead. 

Have been going to the gym after work recently and loving it so far.

I see a few people who inspires me to work towards my goal.

But I get so so so tired after everything at the end of the day.

Like, I would just crash onto my bed the moment I reached home.

Guess I'm just not used to working out in such manner, 

Not forgetting to mention the hunger after gym session and all shops are closed by the time you wanna get food.

Just yesterday I ended everything at 10pm and there's nothing to eat.

So I have to take a near 1 hour ride back to yewtee and get my food, which resulted me in some form of gastric discomfort and bloating.

So I'm gonna get some sandwich from home and keep it in my bag till gym class is over.

Ok that's all for nonsensical ramblings from a no one.

Why so emo? Too much estrogen going around!

I hate dramas by the way. Especially dramas from a guy. Or sissy.

So no more! Tweet all you want about me. Can't be bothered. And please private your account FFS so I won't see your childish post. Why do I keep going to your twitter? Cause I find your stupidity entertaining sometimes (minus the part about me)

Good night........ To anyone who's reading

Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You

How long will I love you
As long as there are stars above you
And longer if I can

How long will I need you
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan

How long will I be with you
AS long as the sea is bound to
Wash upon the sand

How long will I want you
As long as you want me to
And longer by far

How long will I hold you
As long as your father told you
As long as you can

How long will I give to you
As long as I live through you
However long you say

How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I may

Memories

Weekends at home, finally found my hard disk and wanted to transfer photos from my camera... 

And browsed through my old photos. 

SO MANY!

So many memories, thank God we used to take all these photos because they are all so precious now.

Haven't been wanting to take photos recently cause I look really terrible.

Like bloated, pimply, fat :(

Just share some here...

AHXIAN I know you will like them ;)

This was my FAVOURITE photo for quite awhile...

MAI UM CHIO.

LOL!!!! Watch too much Resident Evil, play too much House of the Dead.

Even did a stupid horror video, and even managed to get one friend jumped up from her seat :D

Most epic photo, ever.

LOL PHIL YOU WIN.

We can be ahlians, can be toots also.

Phil really win la.

Ok, more normal photos.

HAHAHAHA INSIDE JOKE.

"Hello everyone! How is everybody today? Goooooooooood?!"

Cherry's birthday 

Another one for her birthday, we went Makansutra at the Esplanade :)

Mr Bean... No I mean, Mr Ben. This guy can go bang wall now.

Got pussy no friends one.

Smearing charcoal on our face was so fun, that time?

Now you try lo.......

The very first Halloween birthday surprise for Cherry pie :))

Who the fk is that on the right?

Us during Poly year 1.

Wearing the Puma tee my crush gave me for my birthday during that time.

He liked Puma, which pretty much sent me into a frenzy for Puma stuff too.

Quite sad for me uh. I used to not shop that time until he hinted me that I should dress up more.

(We didn't work out anyway, I had a major crush on him for 1 year plus. He tried, but I think I'm too fugly)

Now, I'm just a shoppaholic who is trying to cut my shopping down -_-

Smelly leg.

Nice butt Phil. Nice butt..... My hair WAS SO LONG.

That people says "The prettiest looking thing on Peiyi is her hair"

:O

No comment.

Miss you Cherry Foo :')

Mommy.

Mommy told me she has a friend who told her there's this awesome chinese herb/medicine that can cure cancer without surgery and treatments, so good that even Lee Hsien Loong takes them.

She's been telling me about this thing for quite awhile ever since stupid doctor wants me to do a second surgery.

So yesterday she mentioned it again and asked if I want to try.
Then....
She told me it's $500/GRAM.

Seriously, WTF?

I told her she's crazy. How many grams per session should I even take?!
Then she keeps saying let's just try this method.
I asked her where are we gonna get the money?
She kept going "let's just try anything that can cure you"

Such a silly Mom.
Always scrimping, saving and working so hard.
And wants to buy me herbs that cost $500/gram!
She said it's considered very cheap that Lee Hsien Loong pays more.

First, I am not from the Lee family,
and secondly, I think her friend is trying to con her.

Everytime I think of this scenario, the water tap in my eyes just turns on.
I love you, Mommy.

I told Victor I dreamt that my Mom abandoned me,
then he said something like "Your Mom loves you too much to do that"

I have to live this life and be the good daughter for her forever.

She's the biggest reason why I decided to fight this battle.

Eh you.

Go live happily with your new girlfriend and stop cursing me to die.

I wonder how she feels about having a boyfriend who can't let go of the past,

Or actually you miss me huh?!

For fuck sake.

Get over it.

You should have gotten over it when you could get into a new relationship within 2 months.

I've never ever cursed you even though you are a shitty person.

I never curse someone even if I don't like them.

Get rid of this bad habit before karma comes and find you.

This will be my last post about you.

Whatever shit you got to say about me or curse me.

It will get back to you tenfold. 

Good luck to you girl.

If you ever becomes his ex,

You'll be hated for life.

I'm not talking about myself only.

You know who I'm talking about.

Need to get this off me. 

So what I can't get in SIA? It's not because I am not qualified?

You think you're better than me you go for the interview?

And my operation won't fail.

I won't die.

I have many people who loves me and I have decided to be strong despite having going through many emotional roller coasters recently.

You hate me?

Then stop coming back and read my blog you faggot.

Does she knows that you've been reading my blog?

If she doesn't know, then you should reevaluate why are you coming back to MY space.

If she does and laughs at me with you.

I don't blame her.

She don't know me. 

She might think she knows me, from what she hears from you.

Then she can think of me that way. 

Like how i thought about your ex when you were constantly telling me shits about her when we were together.

And how you always felt so bitter towards your ex.

It's not her fault anyway, for believing in your self-made sob stories, because I think she loves you alot.

Please stop doing this. Just focus on loving her and leave me the hell alone. 

Less hate, more love?

Not love me.

Less hate on me, so you can love her more, geddit dude?

Yeap you, 

BNYY.

Bye.

My story

I had a dream;

and I chased after it.

I was so close;

but I fell sick,

everything came crashing down and my life will never be the same again.

The end.

With so many complications arising from total removal,

Maybe I should just drop this idea and just live my life as it is.

If any mishaps happened due to not going ahead with this op, ill just live my life to the fullest and leave happily.

No?

Choices, risks, decisions.

I'd say its my life I can choose how I want to live it.

But on the other hand, how could I disappoint people who loves me especially my mom?

But with so many complications,

Isn't it better to be dead than struggle with all the health problems that might follow?

Even if I'm alive, I just might be wishing I'd be better off dead.

Update-

Dear Taiwan I miss you so much :D

No time to blog about my Taiwan trip. Maybe I'll try during my CNY break (company's closed for one week WOOHOOO~)

Chinese New Year's around the corner and I'm so excited for the reunion dinners (steamboats and steamboats... and steamboats), gambling sessions, seeing friends bringing their new partner (which means more friends making), listening to new love stories lolol why I so gossipy, cracking silly jokes..

I just love the whole CNY mood thing.

It's been implanted in me that CNY is a very joyous and happy occasion since young.

It was so much more fun when we were younger...

The excitement of getting angbaos (means getting ready to buy the new Pokemon cartridge for my Gameboy or buying more 'masak')

The excitement of seeing the decorations and my Mom use to buy the vase of 'ying liu'

Excitement of buying new dresses from Cerisi and shoes from Bata (especially the 'Bubblegummers' shoes that lights up when you walk)
And all the CNY songs that my school made us sing in the assembly hall, I used to sing so loudly, showing off to my classmates I know every single lyrics LOL
Also the skits, dance and singing that the school will perform which just meant no class and only half-day at school.

Although now I'm grown up and things are so different,
No more excitements from receiving angbaos cause we are working now and getting a salary.
No more buying those red and glittery decorations cause they're just a waste of money and so not environmental friendly when you just throw them away after everything.
No more feeling of 'shopping for CNY clothes' cause I'm practically shopping every week aaaaaaaand I'm not proud of it :/
No more singing cause I can't freaking sing now!! Not that if I can sing people actually appreciate it. Cause always off key.
No more fun gatherings with relatives because the elders just drift apart due to old age and family and stuffs...

I still love CNY songs though. Only the classic ones.
Not the ones sang by Mediacorp stars and is always on replay on TV zzzzzz.

BUT always excited for gathering with friends and my family :D

So I went CNY shopping with the family after work on Monday.
Told myself don't buy so many snacks, but failed miserably.
Saw on facebook about warnings of getting ripped off by the jelly sellers at Chinatown and reminded myself not to buy.
But end up buy 1kg.
Still can bargain ask for more jellies one. The guy told my mom "See your daughter pretty I give you 5 more!"
WTF not bad :D
Was choosing the 5 more slowly until the guy buay tahan just grabbed more than 5 jellies randomly and stuffed into the bag.
Bro said it's definitely more than 1kg but I shall go home and weigh them soon LOL

Haven't been taking photos cause I've fucking gained weight!
Not gonna blame the operation for making me so inactive.
Not disciplined enough boohoo.

And CNY's coming so it's like a pretty good excuse to continue getting fat....

UPDATE (POST OP WEEK 7)
My voice is getting SO much better!
Since Monday when I woke up I could actually talk properly for the first few sentences,
then as the day goes by, I started to trail off again....

As time goes by.. I start waking up with my normal voice and could speak about 5 sentences properly, while still having a hoarse voice.

Then for now, I can talk throughout the day. But I have to take breaks in between to restore it before talking again.
Like mana need to restore after using magic for awhile.
One week ago I was still worrying that my vocal chords were actually permanently damaged cause it didn't get better at all.
Now I'm relieved :)
Thanks to the Multivitamins Victor recommended,
and also the chinese physician Kit yee recommended.

Thankyou everybarddddddyyyyyy!

Okay end of post.
Goodbye Shixian.
My only reader, don't say I never update la!

:D

It's getting to me me me me
Can I don't go for another round of surgery again.

That pain :O
URRRRGH GRAHHHHH :(

I hate my life.

#randomwhining
#ignorethispost

When you get closer to someone, even a friend, their traits inevitably amplify. They smile wider, cry harder, shout louder, love stronger. Maybe they didn't change, you just got to know them a little better.

LOL talk cock

I know I have to accept things that happened.

I won't lie and act tough because I really can't do it now.

I will learn to accept.

Disappointments

Sadness

Regrets

Rejections

Things that will never be mine no matter how hard I work for it just because this is how the world works.

I will look at the stewardesses, Changi airport, Singapore Airlines and accept that I'll never be like them.

I won't deny it affects me so bad when I see photos of the girls I met going for trainings and having so much fun.

I will learn to accept.

But not now.

Then again,

not now, then when?

Side note: 

Post op week 4. Getting back to working out slowly, my body is not as strong as before. 

Because I haven't work out for too long? Or because my body is still trying to recover?

But I'll take one step at a time. Wound is closed but still hurts when I stretch too far.

My doctor asked me to take the painkiller and just stretch, if not my muscles will be stiff.

Like seriously? He said it won't tear but it's my body I guess I know it better than him.

Now I have to make another major choice, again.

Mom was pissed at doctor for not removing the whole thyroid in the first place because she saw how I suffered post-op (cause I am weak la I know) and how it got her worried so bad.

But doctors just said they were hoping the lymph nodes were not affected when they remove the first half.

If my lymph nodes are clear, that means I'm totally safe, it's stage 1 and I'm cleared from cancer!

Which meant I still have a glimpse of hope of handing in a good medical report to the SIA doctor and get the job.

Luck is not on my side.

This is just not for me.

I have to be positive.

Turning 25 this year, life has so much to offer.

I promise to improve myself this year and get rid of all my bad habits,

which include being late (LOL I bet whoever is reading now will nod your head incessantly), and using too much social media and watching too much tv.

Okay goodbye.

Btw, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

From now on, no more sad sad posts.

I want to be happy