Feel.

Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon, why am I holdin’ on
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it come so fast
This is our last night, but it’s late and I’m tryin’ not to sleep
‘Cuz I know, when I wake I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But, tonight I’m ‘gonna hold you so close
‘Cuz in the daylight, we’ll be on our own
But, tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa

Here I am starring, at your perfection in my arms; so beautiful.
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burnin’ out.
Somebody slow it down.
This is way too hard, ‘cuz I know when the sun comes up I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memories

I never wanted to stop, because I don’t want to start all over, start all over
I was afraid of the dark, but now it’s all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You

How long will I love you
As long as there are stars above you
And longer if I can

How long will I need you
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan

How long will I be with you
AS long as the sea is bound to
Wash upon the sand

How long will I want you
As long as you want me to
And longer by far

How long will I hold you
As long as your father told you
As long as you can

How long will I give to you
As long as I live through you
However long you say

How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I may

Mommy.

Mommy told me she has a friend who told her there's this awesome chinese herb/medicine that can cure cancer without surgery and treatments, so good that even Lee Hsien Loong takes them.

She's been telling me about this thing for quite awhile ever since stupid doctor wants me to do a second surgery.

So yesterday she mentioned it again and asked if I want to try.
Then....
She told me it's $500/GRAM.

Seriously, WTF?

I told her she's crazy. How many grams per session should I even take?!
Then she keeps saying let's just try this method.
I asked her where are we gonna get the money?
She kept going "let's just try anything that can cure you"

Such a silly Mom.
Always scrimping, saving and working so hard.
And wants to buy me herbs that cost $500/gram!
She said it's considered very cheap that Lee Hsien Loong pays more.

First, I am not from the Lee family,
and secondly, I think her friend is trying to con her.

Everytime I think of this scenario, the water tap in my eyes just turns on.
I love you, Mommy.

I told Victor I dreamt that my Mom abandoned me,
then he said something like "Your Mom loves you too much to do that"

I have to live this life and be the good daughter for her forever.

She's the biggest reason why I decided to fight this battle.

With so many complications arising from total removal,

Maybe I should just drop this idea and just live my life as it is.

If any mishaps happened due to not going ahead with this op, ill just live my life to the fullest and leave happily.

No?

Choices, risks, decisions.

I'd say its my life I can choose how I want to live it.

But on the other hand, how could I disappoint people who loves me especially my mom?

But with so many complications,

Isn't it better to be dead than struggle with all the health problems that might follow?

Even if I'm alive, I just might be wishing I'd be better off dead.

Update-

Dear Taiwan I miss you so much :D

No time to blog about my Taiwan trip. Maybe I'll try during my CNY break (company's closed for one week WOOHOOO~)

Chinese New Year's around the corner and I'm so excited for the reunion dinners (steamboats and steamboats... and steamboats), gambling sessions, seeing friends bringing their new partner (which means more friends making), listening to new love stories lolol why I so gossipy, cracking silly jokes..

I just love the whole CNY mood thing.

It's been implanted in me that CNY is a very joyous and happy occasion since young.

It was so much more fun when we were younger...

The excitement of getting angbaos (means getting ready to buy the new Pokemon cartridge for my Gameboy or buying more 'masak')

The excitement of seeing the decorations and my Mom use to buy the vase of 'ying liu'

Excitement of buying new dresses from Cerisi and shoes from Bata (especially the 'Bubblegummers' shoes that lights up when you walk)
And all the CNY songs that my school made us sing in the assembly hall, I used to sing so loudly, showing off to my classmates I know every single lyrics LOL
Also the skits, dance and singing that the school will perform which just meant no class and only half-day at school.

Although now I'm grown up and things are so different,
No more excitements from receiving angbaos cause we are working now and getting a salary.
No more buying those red and glittery decorations cause they're just a waste of money and so not environmental friendly when you just throw them away after everything.
No more feeling of 'shopping for CNY clothes' cause I'm practically shopping every week aaaaaaaand I'm not proud of it :/
No more singing cause I can't freaking sing now!! Not that if I can sing people actually appreciate it. Cause always off key.
No more fun gatherings with relatives because the elders just drift apart due to old age and family and stuffs...

I still love CNY songs though. Only the classic ones.
Not the ones sang by Mediacorp stars and is always on replay on TV zzzzzz.

BUT always excited for gathering with friends and my family :D

So I went CNY shopping with the family after work on Monday.
Told myself don't buy so many snacks, but failed miserably.
Saw on facebook about warnings of getting ripped off by the jelly sellers at Chinatown and reminded myself not to buy.
But end up buy 1kg.
Still can bargain ask for more jellies one. The guy told my mom "See your daughter pretty I give you 5 more!"
WTF not bad :D
Was choosing the 5 more slowly until the guy buay tahan just grabbed more than 5 jellies randomly and stuffed into the bag.
Bro said it's definitely more than 1kg but I shall go home and weigh them soon LOL

Haven't been taking photos cause I've fucking gained weight!
Not gonna blame the operation for making me so inactive.
Not disciplined enough boohoo.

And CNY's coming so it's like a pretty good excuse to continue getting fat....

UPDATE (POST OP WEEK 7)
My voice is getting SO much better!
Since Monday when I woke up I could actually talk properly for the first few sentences,
then as the day goes by, I started to trail off again....

As time goes by.. I start waking up with my normal voice and could speak about 5 sentences properly, while still having a hoarse voice.

Then for now, I can talk throughout the day. But I have to take breaks in between to restore it before talking again.
Like mana need to restore after using magic for awhile.
One week ago I was still worrying that my vocal chords were actually permanently damaged cause it didn't get better at all.
Now I'm relieved :)
Thanks to the Multivitamins Victor recommended,
and also the chinese physician Kit yee recommended.

Thankyou everybarddddddyyyyyy!

Okay end of post.
Goodbye Shixian.
My only reader, don't say I never update la!

:D

Dreams. Wanderlust

Before I head down to the hospital to get the results.....

They come true, don't they?

TOOTIES

So in this post, I'm blogging about the past activities I had with TOOTIES! 

Many many many many photosssss

AHWEI'S 21ST BIRTHDAY PARTAYYYYY

Happy with the full attendance!

OMG LOOK AT THE CAKE :D~

Birthday party theme was "NEON".

It's hard to get tops that are in neon colours, so I was already expecting to see someone wearing the same colour/top as me. Cause when it comes to neon tops, everyone thinks of Bugis street..... :/

Anyway I got mine from Batam at SGD17! The rest got it for SGD10. Bloody hell. HAHA

Errm the neon-green team?

Phil actually got the EXACT same top as me. But she die die also want to wear that white thing over cause she says it's so weird.

Where got weird, we are BFF-when-in-trouble k!

It's suppose to be a photo booth. I don't know who take these pictures until like that.

But Cherryl is so cute!

Yeah yeah they kept insisting that I have the "Bitch!" thing.

Oh #YOLO! Sounds silly but that's what I've been doing these days.

So cute! I'm definitely talking about Cherryl. Not Miss-Sausage-lips on the right.

AIYO why I bend till like that. Xiaobai Y U SO SHORT :(

LOL THIS ONE LIKE A FUNNY ONLY. 

So you think you can dance? Miss Gan/Mrs. Edwin?

Idiotic photobombers. See Phil! Squeeze till like that.

#Bimbo? Me?

Some polaroid shots that are in my hands.

AHWEI WHY YOUR FACE LIKE THAT.

Wah this polaroid we 2 like pretty sia haha

Seriously, does it kill to take photos with me? 

Hao hao so scared of me, everytime!

SHABU SHABU @ CAUSEWAY POINT

Friday night! My first time having Shabu Shabu and it's nice!

Definitely going back soon, hopefully with my family :D

But have to go damn early, cause they always have a long queue! 

I look bloated that night :(

The ice-cream is damn nice! I wanted more, but Phil stopped me.

She went "PEIYI! Eat clean! Calories!"

OH GOD WHY IS IT SO HARD TO EAT CLEAN D:

DINNER @ EAT.PLAY.LOVE

My second time here ever since the first time I went when it was Bong's birthday in May!

The rest of them come until don't want come liao... :/

Love the cafe decor, so cosy :D

They had new food menu, but I ate the same thing I ate the other time!

Basil chicken!

And that awesome Mango Freeze.

They changed the glass cup to plastic cup, think portion smaller also :(

Shared a Nutella-banana waffle with Coconut Icecream!

Damn shiokkkkkk

Guess who's who!

Crazy pumpkin with a porno Simpson t-shirt. Shui lai de?

OH HI BFF.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA finally a photo that is not so awkward.

Cause he just woke up from his nap. Must be too drowsy to not realise I'm the one taking photos with him.

Think this is the Tiramisu Hero's mascot?

Been wanting to try the Tiramisu! But never had the chance.

Some say it's nothing special :O

Waited for Xiaobai to end work!

GROUP PHOTOOO! :D

A LIL' HISTORY ABOUT TOOTIES.

Okay. I'm gonna try to write a short story on how I met TOOTIES! 

Ahxian stop bugging me HAHA.

I have ALOT of photos, BUT, they are all in my hard disk and my laptop is down. So I can't retrieve them.

But I managed to find some photos here and there online, so I'll just post them in here!

So, how did TOOTIES even came about?

When I was in Secondary 1-2, I don't have good friends as I was the 'act lian' type but looked totally like a nerd - with skirt that reaches my knees, tucked in top, messy ponytail, ankle-high socks, and a pair of spectacles which needed a thick load of scotch-tape to hold together.

I looked like shit and I behaved like shit. So no one wants to be my friend :(

Then I got my first boyfriend (Toh Eng Ann HAHAHAHAHAHA) when I was Secondary 3 and he was the friendly guy around in school, I don't know how but he knew Phil and her group of friends (they call themselves C4 also! But is CRAZY 4 LOLOLOL) from my class.

He brought me to one of the gatherings and Phil and the rest of the girls were there too, that's how we started talking more.

Then whenever I have a big fight with my boyfriend, Phil would try to be the mediator. Then slowly, I got to hangout more with the girls (Bong, Xian, Cherry). Of course by then I'm no longer that 'act lian' girl cause I started going church haha

Secondary 3. HAHAAAAAAAA

I still have the tshirt, wearing it as my pajamas now :D

I miss her sooooooo much :(

I'd always remember this day - We found a NTUC trolley at a void deck, Phil sat in it and I sat at the front, while Cherry (WTH she was the skinniest among us) pushed the 2 of us.

The trolley was faulty and when Cherry made a turn, the trolley fell over.

I quickly jumped off the trolley, but Phil sat in the trolley and couldn't get out in time.

When I jumped off and turned around, I saw her squatting in the trolley, screaming while falling over.

HAHAHAHA sibei epic moment.

LOL THIS PHOTO.

Then when we were in Secondary 4 (can't remember), Ahxian started playing basketball and she met Xiaobai, Timx and their basketball friends and played basketball everyday. She was totally in love and crazy over basketball.

She was telling me how fun it was BLAH BLAH and how nice the people were.

One day, I wanted to borrow her roller-blades from her.

Then she told me she's going down to play basketball and asked me to go down with her and meet her 'new friends'

I am a really shy person when I don't know the people there, and because Xiaobai and the rest were from NT and I stereotyped them as the 'bad kids' HAHAHAH

So basically when I saw them, I just kept a distance from them.

Xiaobai was like "HELLO WO SHI XIAOBAI"

But I think I just gave a face HAHA

I really don't remember how.

Then we started to hangout more!

Had BBQ at old court! Was really memorable 

Cherry's birthday which falls on a Halloween's!

Still remember how she slapped Ahxian for scaring her with that mask HAHA!

Trip to East Coast Park for picnic!

Another BBQ at old court!

One of my favs! Christmas dress-up party at Phil's!

They were really assholes. I was late cause I came from church,

and they filled my bowl with the leftover pastas which they couldn't finish from their plate KNS

I see chicky I want to laugh. Like a Gingerbread man who don't know which universe he's in

Phil's birthday! We made her sing a song "I want a boyfriend" cause she was single for too long HAHA!

They came for my G12 Party :D

I'd always remember this period when I wore spectacles to go out. Cause Johnson just broke up with me and I cried till my eyes cannot open.

Xiaobai's drawings! I was totally obsessed over the K-drama "Coffee Prince" during that time so she drew me dreaming of coffee

Fruity friends!

This was drawn after our East Coast Park outing!

Look at Cherry with the subway cookie :)

"Guai guai de"

Steamboat at Xiaobai's new house! Still remember we helped to paint her place :D

Chinese new year celebration at some pub in Boat Quay.

Our first picnic at Marina Barrage to celebrate Bong's birthday!

Hao's birthday

Xiaobai's 21st!

Look at the cute little chick, balloons and her name on the satay sticks that Phil and I drew

So proud of myself, cause my art really sucks one HAHA

Christmas I think

Timx 21st!

Ah xian's birthday!

What can I say?

They are the closest and the most precious group of people (other than my family of course) I'll ever have in my life

We've been through alot - Jealousy, quarrells, tears, epic laughing moments and jokes that never get old (Ahxian you know what I'm talking about _|_) 

We lost a member from this clique and we all knew the pain and how we should not take one another for granted.

I'm sure when we grow old. 10-20 years later,

we'll still be so close and by that time, maybe I'll still be writing another post about TOOTIES

Okay.

I don't know what to type liao.

Kind of lack of photos cause I have ALOT more funny and memorable one

This will do, for now :)

Adios!

I love you all!