After almost 24 years on this planet...

On Saturday, I treated my brother to Macdonald's for lunch after my tuition and we had a long chat (probably 2 hours plus?) talking about our lives and many other stuffs.

And he told me about having the determination to want to do something because I was telling him of my dream job and how I got rejected at the interview and I'm afraid to go for it again.

If you really really want something, just go all the way, do whatever it takes to get it and never give up trying.

I was starting to have doubts about myself after that interview.

Am I able to do it? Can I ever make it? I don't think I have what they are looking for.

I almost wanted to stop trying because I don't think I can ever make it, seriously.

I'm fat, and I am not that pretty. I don't have a sharp face, I have a square face, and I have people who tells me I am just not cut out for it.

But who are they to judge me? I just feel, the more they looked down on me, I want to do it more.

I will prove to you I can make it.

Here I am, determined to do it once again.

I have lots of work to do. I need to lose weight and take much more care of how I look now.

It's not easy, I'm a lazy person. But the words my brother told me always comes up when I don't feel like doing anything, eg. working out.

I've seen how he succeeded in what he wanted to do. I wish I could succeed in what I want to do too. 

And also, I got to know him better through that lunch I think :) Was telling him how Mom and I felt about him cause he seemed distant to us sometimes, then he explained why. And I know he actually cares for me, especially the guys I date. GEEZ. I should really start listening to my friends and family when they advise me about the guys I date. I love to take matters into my own hands and well, we all know the results. I'm a HUGE failure in relationship.

Recently, I've started to open up and listened to how people think about my love life. And I seriously need to reflect. But I ain't got time to think about that now, shall leave it to next time.

I don't want to get into a wrong relationship ANYMORE. I really really want my next one to be the RIGHT ONE. I am not going to jump into it. Gone were those days when you get 'swept off the feet'. DUH. Time to be realistic. Or maybe I should just listen to my Mom, & not get married. I can imagine myself being a Cat Lady, with 8 cats staying with me alone at home LOL. 

Okay no more love. Not now.

So... I've been back to my shopping craze after 1 month (so short-lived) of not shopping. And I've been trying to hide from my Mom about it because she'll just go crazy at the amount of clothes I have in my room. Alot of them still in the wrapper cause I have no more hangers and I have no place to fold them and put anywhere. And also, not to mention, they are all not worn yet.

Thats the problem with me: I don't have a good fashion taste, I am not good in mixing and matching so I just keep buying because I felt the old ones I had are not enough for me to mix and match. And everytime I think I look fat in them.

Maybe I should really just keep losing weight, so things will fall into place?

So.. I was online blog-hopping when I saw this girl wearing this Love Bonito's Olivia Maxi Dress.

When I first saw it online, I thought I'd never like this kind of dress cause it's abit revealing. But when I saw her wearing it (she used to be quite fat but she lost so much weight through gymming and healthy eating) I was blown away. It was soooo pretty and I thought since I lost some weight I could rock in this dress too.

Boy was I pretty wrong. The waist looks fine but the problem is my lower body. GRRRR. My butt looked big. Though Phil said I am too sensitive (She always think I am over-reacting), but that butt and hips better watch it. Sighs. I don't know how Kim Kardashian rocked her figure looking like that, I guess our confidence level are totally at different ends of the earth. Bottom heavy people. SIGHS!

Oh another rant. I was hunting this dress down and I manage to find it from a girl who sold it to me for $33 ! And it's not new, it furred abit cause its made of cotton. Then 2 weeks later, Love Bonito relaunched the item at $29. I really wanted to stab myself. SIGHS. :(

And also! I went to KissJane and tried on this Good Girl Flare Skirt from The Tinsel Rack. It was in size L and it was pretty lose so I went home and ordered a size M. Then! It became so tight it's like I couldn't breath. Whats with my body and all the measurements HAHAHA. Sad lo. I even bought it in Mint! :( Need to lose more..........

And... I've spent alot on The Tinsel Rack items, their items are too nice to resist! It's totally my style. If only I can be petite. I don't really fancy being the height and size I'm at. I think I'm too manly :(

HEHE and this one too. From TTR, Tangled Back Chiffon top. It's so nice! But the armhole is so tight I looked like I'm bursting from it like a HULK. And also, I really don't like my shoulders, too broad (from all the swimming =( !) I had a dress from TVD which was scoop-back. It looked so nice at the front, but the back makes me look like a man. Zzzz woes of a big sized girl, you can never bring out the sweet/cute look :(

Anyway posting these photos are used to remind me that I have more than enough clothes to last me for a year. I need to cut away this bad habit of shopping, I rather give the money to Mommy. But they just keep coming up with pretty items. 

This has got to stop!

Actually there's many things in life I need to stop doing.

Shall leave it for next time.

Okay end of this long and meaningless post.

On a healthy note, I heard of this Korean Mom, who's really an inspiration. Damn she's so HOT!
So I downloaded the set of videos she came up with, called FigureRobics.
It's a low impact exercise which focuses more on toning, but they still give you a good burn at the end of the day! Its pretty irritating with their counting in Korean language and I don't understand what she's saying at all, but the moves are pretty easy to follow.
At first when I saw it, I'm like "this looks easy, don't think it'll do much as compared to Insanity"
But boy was I so wrong, I found myself groaning in pain and soreness after 20 mins into the workout (the workout is 30 mins), and I got breathless too!
Amazing shit.
Maybe I should do this when I don't feel like doing Insanity. Afterall Insanity requires like 100X more motivation to get me to push that PLAY button.

JIAYOU PEIYI! I CAN DO IT! Photo taken after one of her workouts. Still looking energetic even though was sweating. Hair's still in place.
You don't want to see a photo of me after Insanity. HAHA!

Okay really end of post. Goodbye blog.
See you again.

XX