:(

You will never. 

Dragging my feet to school after a tiring day at work fighting with politics like im in a rat race, and dreading the next operation next Monday. Not knowing how to deal without a thyroid and trying to get the right dosage for my medication after.

Browsing Facebook and saw so many posts from different girls I met during the interview, posting about their flying life now and their trainings which looked so fun.

Can't help but wonder, what have I done to deserve this? 

Why did my life took such a huge turn?

The file, which held all my documents for the interview - passport, bank statement, passport photo, educational certs - to the file which held all my medical reports and the endless number of bills that are still incoming.

It could be me now, in another country looking at the world. Or donning the gorgeous uniform feeling proud of myself.

But look at me now. A small part of me actually hate myself.

I know, always look at the positive side. 

But not today. 

I blame my PMS. 

Feeling so emotional, I even had a 1-2 second thought of ending this life that I don't feel worth living for.

But it's for only a split second.

Ok lesson is starting soon. I just need to vent.

I feel like shit. 

Time to wolf down my cold dinner which I bought since lunch time, and start mugging.