What have I done? Nothing.
Went drinking with girlfriends, 1 shot + 1 vodka with orange juice, and you think I did something shameful behind you, what if I were to do it to you? If you were to go Thai Pub that night I could have well accused you of hugging or kissing the Thai girls there, and there is so much dirtier, I did not accuse because I trusted you.
You? Just a text from a friend who joked that I should stay with her brother, make you think I have something with him.
I did not delete his messages, never before. You said conversations were gone because my phone got rebooted due to the Find my iPhone app. But you said I purposely delete them.
You asked for explanations, I gave, But what did I get in return?
"You know what you did"
what did i do? drink with girlfriends, after that friend's brother came, friend's brother drove us to Zouk, Zouk full house, so we went to eat Yong Tau Foo at Redhill. Then CoffeeBean at Holland. Then both friend and bro sent me home.
I just hope someone can add in something in between that could happen to me and her brother so that I would not feel that I've been accused so horribly.
I have never done anything shameful, never betrayed you.
But because of your insecurities you label me as a whore or a slut.
If this makes you feel better for breaking up with me, lying to yourself that you dated a whore and you finally want to get rid of her, if by labeling me as this, makes you better. Just go ahead.
I will be pushed to the ground for now, but I promise I will stand up on my feet again and tell myself you're not worth it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
When there's life, there's always death.
Yeap as the title says it all, when there's life, there's always death.
Do you know?
Every second in this world a baby is born, where people rejoice and gather to welcome the new life.
On the other hand,
every second, someone dies, where people mourn and for some, gather to send them off on a journey to the other world.
A relationship between a couple also, sad to say, has 2 different endings too.
It's always either they get married or they end it.
Just yesterday, a friend of his just proposed to his girlfriend and of course she said "I do" because according to him they were a really sweet couple even though they've been together for almost 2 years.
That's not the main point anyway.
So, like I say, every single second there's someone getting married, and definitely someone breaking up.
I don't have to say more, I'm on the other side of the world.
Yes I'm happy they are getting married as I wait for my turn, but God sure knows how to play game with my life.
I was proposed,
but to a breakup.
Would I say I'm heartbroken? I don't know, I feel crushed actually, and numb, like this is the Nth time I'm treated this way and by default by now I should be used to it, this is the feeling I'm having
Am I suppose to cry? Like how I always do when I'm ditched? I don't know. Tears roll down but I managed to stop myself from wailing.
Everything was alright, I had a bad headache and he accompanied me throughout the night till the next morning. As usual I went to shower, but when I came out of the bathroom I was greeted with questions bombarding me asking if I had an affair or did I do something behind him.
As usual we argued and of course I did not do anything that betrayed him, just when I thought we were gonna have another fight over issues with his insecurities,
I saw a bag packed with full of his personal belongings.
That's when I stopped arguing and I know he's leaving.
Why? You may ask why do I think so just because of a bag full of his stuffs, maybe he just need to use them?
But no, because the past few days after we made up after a HUGE fight, he's not been himself and I know he has not been happy.
So today morning, I know he had crossed the line, he decide to end it.
This is not the first time I experience this in a relationship. There was this guy who obviously showed to me he was unhappy with our relationship but we kept going on even though I could feel his changes. And all he need is just ONE thing, for him to snap, and allow him to let go.
He wanted to end it long ago, because he's not happy but he could not find a reason (or excuse?) to let go, so all he needs, is a reason, in fact ANY reason, for him to use, so it allows him to let go without feeling so much of a guilt.
I guess being in and out of love SO many times did help me manage my life in some ways.
It helped me to accept any breakups and not feel like my world is crashing.
Just needed a space to rant.
How am I feeling?? Numb, crushed, and just... numb.
It's like telling myself "Oh well Peiyi, this is not your first time, in fact this is your Nth time, just get use to it, it'll be over and you'll feel normal again"
Yeah that's what I say to myself so I will not do stupid stuff after a breakup every time.
There's no need to argue who's right and who's wrong, when it ends, there's no use pointing fingers.
Love is just like a gamble, you put in all, you have a 50-50 of losing everything,
that's why Mom always tell me not to put in ALL my feelings because when you lose it, you have nothing left.
At first I listened to her, put in bit by bit, and when I thought I could finally put in ALL of it,
I just have to lose it.
Suck it up bitch,
Life sucks, isn't it?
Winner takes it all, loser standing small.
I've lost, because I risked and put in my ALL, time to admit defeat.
Till then.
Do you know?
Every second in this world a baby is born, where people rejoice and gather to welcome the new life.
On the other hand,
every second, someone dies, where people mourn and for some, gather to send them off on a journey to the other world.
A relationship between a couple also, sad to say, has 2 different endings too.
It's always either they get married or they end it.
Just yesterday, a friend of his just proposed to his girlfriend and of course she said "I do" because according to him they were a really sweet couple even though they've been together for almost 2 years.
That's not the main point anyway.
So, like I say, every single second there's someone getting married, and definitely someone breaking up.
I don't have to say more, I'm on the other side of the world.
Yes I'm happy they are getting married as I wait for my turn, but God sure knows how to play game with my life.
I was proposed,
but to a breakup.
Would I say I'm heartbroken? I don't know, I feel crushed actually, and numb, like this is the Nth time I'm treated this way and by default by now I should be used to it, this is the feeling I'm having
Am I suppose to cry? Like how I always do when I'm ditched? I don't know. Tears roll down but I managed to stop myself from wailing.
Everything was alright, I had a bad headache and he accompanied me throughout the night till the next morning. As usual I went to shower, but when I came out of the bathroom I was greeted with questions bombarding me asking if I had an affair or did I do something behind him.
As usual we argued and of course I did not do anything that betrayed him, just when I thought we were gonna have another fight over issues with his insecurities,
I saw a bag packed with full of his personal belongings.
That's when I stopped arguing and I know he's leaving.
Why? You may ask why do I think so just because of a bag full of his stuffs, maybe he just need to use them?
But no, because the past few days after we made up after a HUGE fight, he's not been himself and I know he has not been happy.
So today morning, I know he had crossed the line, he decide to end it.
This is not the first time I experience this in a relationship. There was this guy who obviously showed to me he was unhappy with our relationship but we kept going on even though I could feel his changes. And all he need is just ONE thing, for him to snap, and allow him to let go.
He wanted to end it long ago, because he's not happy but he could not find a reason (or excuse?) to let go, so all he needs, is a reason, in fact ANY reason, for him to use, so it allows him to let go without feeling so much of a guilt.
I guess being in and out of love SO many times did help me manage my life in some ways.
It helped me to accept any breakups and not feel like my world is crashing.
Just needed a space to rant.
How am I feeling?? Numb, crushed, and just... numb.
It's like telling myself "Oh well Peiyi, this is not your first time, in fact this is your Nth time, just get use to it, it'll be over and you'll feel normal again"
Yeah that's what I say to myself so I will not do stupid stuff after a breakup every time.
There's no need to argue who's right and who's wrong, when it ends, there's no use pointing fingers.
Love is just like a gamble, you put in all, you have a 50-50 of losing everything,
that's why Mom always tell me not to put in ALL my feelings because when you lose it, you have nothing left.
At first I listened to her, put in bit by bit, and when I thought I could finally put in ALL of it,
I just have to lose it.
Suck it up bitch,
Life sucks, isn't it?
Winner takes it all, loser standing small.
I've lost, because I risked and put in my ALL, time to admit defeat.
Till then.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Randoms
Quite free in office today, and I have a SD card in here so I thought I could blog abit of photos here which summed up my life LOL.
Looking back at all the photos, I realized I really put on a lot of weight ever since I got into a relationship.
Before I was attached, my life was just studies, work and exercise. I run almost everyday, had kickboxing and just ate normal food you get at kopitiams.
And now, what do couples do when they go on dates? Yes, FOOOOOOD!
Eat nonstop. Other than movies, what else can we do. Eat lo. Sometimes go LAN shop play Left4Dead -_-.
So I'm ballooning now, same goes for my boyfriend.
My exercise continues, I've even added swimming into my routine. I swim 1-2 times a week, kickboxing once a week, and try to go for jogs 2 times a week.
But we all know it's really my diet I need to control, if not no matter how intense my workouts are, I'll never slim down.
I gained 4kg ever since we got together!
Please let me lose weight :x
Is swimming bad for me? My calves seems to be getting bigger and bigger :O
My life has been in a mess.
I failed my ACCA exams, and I haven't study for my retakes which is coming in December and it's already October!
OH GOSH I need to wake up.
Other than my diet getting out of control, my bank has been depleting like mad.
I've been shopping online NONSTOP. Can spend up to $600 a month just on online shopping.
Online shoppings + Good food on dates = Bankruptcy.
So I'm quite broke now, I even had to use my savings money!
When I started working, my pay was much lower but I was able to save!
Now, I have to use them even though I earn much more now. What the?
I have been controlling myself these days, not to get impulse buys.
Improved a lot but Philana was saying I shouldn't be buying at all anymore.
Hmmm.... :(
Just hoping my life could get back on track now.
Anyway I've posted random photos. HAHA bye.
TimYee's 21st birthday last year, this was one of my slimmer times :(
Cuzzie birthday!
Darius sitting on my previous workplace's chair! I miss everyone at SABE a lot :(
Scrapbook made by SABE team (led by Felicia LOLOLOL) on my last day of work. And a old SECA bear given by one colleague from the other department, it's an old bear, it was there ever since I was an intern there.
Contents inside made me cried. It was really hard to control and very very emotional. My 2 years there were good, and bad.
Saying goodbye to the workshop where I had my lunch (sometimes), my afternoon naps, my cuts and blood, and many memories I had............. I even dig someone's ears here. It was really full of memories.
My best buddy! Always there for me. Never left me out. Seen me cried my eyeballs out when I was ditched and was there for me every time. Just sitting beside me quietly when I was so down. Saw how pathetic I was that time and just grabbed me and told me "Look at yourself, do you even look human?" LOL. Bring me for good food when we are out for work at hospitals. Make me laugh and just spice up my working life.
Our first date at USS. We were so happy and tired that day. Boyfriend, why you look so Ahbeng? :(
Phil's 23rd birthday (OMG WE ARE SO OLD NOW) at Brussel Sprouts
Yiru's 23rd birthday at Bishan Prawning farm. Those prawns were not ours, it was some uncle who caught a lot and gave to us. And we act like is ours HAHAHA
Boyfriend and I at St James boiler (?) Had free Greygoose Magnum so we went for free drinks.
Even had free fries cause Eve worked there HAHAHA end up paid for cab home only :D
SEE, I'm so much fatter now OH GOSH
Ahwei's 20th birthday at Novena :D Baskin Robbins ice-cream cake!
LOL crying photo at SABE again
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