Exams in 2 days time, but I just feel like I need to vent this out.

I fucking hate dramas.
All I hope, is all of us could be transparent with one another, and not be worried/afraid to say what is exactly on our minds.
What's with all these "Please act blur, act like you don't know anything about this"
"Please don't tell him/her that I know what he/she did"

Like come on, isn't it tiring? To act like everything is okay and we all clearly know as hell that nothing is okay?

And also, why do some people like to watch the world burn? What do they get? A kick out of people's anger?

And if you're unhappy. SAY IT OUT. Don't act like you're fine and trying to fix everything but your words and tonality totally plays a different tune. I am not blind or deaf, WE ALL CAN TELL.
Stop the pretense that you are okay, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT.

I don't want to say much because I have learnt, it's best to not care anymore.

At the start of 2017, I made a resolution: To be less judgmental, spend more time with friends, make more effort, don't keep going to gym and neglect friends/family time.
And that's what I did.
What I got in return: An eye-opening experience that affirmed my beliefs in some people's characters, and also learning that, loving myself is so much more important.

Huge lesson learnt: Mind your own fucking business.

Ps. I hope she knows, that nothing can ever change my mind about her. What kind of person I think she is. I don't know what is wrong with you, but I am really hurt that you think about me this way.

"YOU'RE DEAD TO ME"

Que sera sera.

After 3 years, I finally got it done.

Kitty

.

Happen to see some old photos and saw this, I miss you so much kitty.

I still remember the very first time I met you.

I hated the house when I first moved in, because I love the previous one so much but didn't have a choice (I couldn't choose who I wanted to be my father)

But a week after moving in, you came.

You stood outside the gate, meowing nonstop till I opened the door for you.

Then you came in like you belonged here, we had no idea where you're from.

Mom asked the previous owner if they've been feeding you before but they said they've never seen you before.

You'll just sit on the floor looking at us, watch the tv, or just sleep.

Kor kor even lay open his sleeping bag for you to sleep on everytime you come because you're just so precious.

I'm sure you belong to someone because you had a collar and you were really well-fed and cleaned.

But we still bought packs and packs of food to feed you everytime you come..

Then days went on to weeks.. months.. and years...

You would come almost everyday, I can hear your bells ring when you come up the stairs.

And sometimes you would meow so loud until we opened the door!

You would sleep on the couch, on the chair, sometimes lying on me and I would try my best not to move even though it gets pretty uncomfortable... and when you start kneading on me.. it kind of hurt because of your nails but it was so cute!

My favourite moment ever, is sometimes when I come home and I see you sitting and chilling on the first floor..

And the moment you hear me opening the gate, you would sit up and run up the stairs just to catch me opening the gate and then coming in to chill...

And that bell of yours ringing when you run up :')

But as years went by, you looked more frail and seemed distant.

You'll come up and still chill but you look so tired everytime.

And the battle scars from fighting with the neighbourhood cats (because you're so territorial!) you have on your body seems to get worse as time goes by, and they don't seem to heal.

I see your owner putting medications on you but it just doesn't get better...

You started coming lesser and everytime you're here, you look so tired.

And one day, I never saw you again :'(

I hope you're doing good wherever you are..

Be it crossing the rainbow bridge or still fighting with other cats..

You've played a part in my life and made me love cats so much more.

I liked cats since I was young, but I fell in love with them ever since I met you.

That blue eyes and chatty meows...

You're also one of the reason why Kor kor decided to adopt Icing, because Icing reminds him of you :')

Never gave you a name, but you'll always be the first kitty in my life :'))

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be.

Heartless.

Have I demanded alot from you?
Have I ever asked for alot of your attention, time and money?
Have I not been understanding enough?

These 4 years, people asked me if this is really what I want, because they feel that you don't seem to treat me well. They say that you are selfish and only cared about yourself.
I told them you show care and concern differently,
maybe I was just lying to myself.
Maybe I was just numbing myself from the truth, telling myself that I'm happy when I'm with you.

All I needed was your emotional support, when I'm feeling down and feel like shit.
If I'm those crazy-ass bitch that feels needy every single time, then I can totally understand its my problem.
But have I ever been like that? Do I do that all the time? I can even use the fingers on my right hand and count how many times I've done something like that for the past 4 years.

But only recently, I don't feel good (and you were part of the reason) and I needed someone.
When I came to you showing signs of cries for help, all I got were a few cold replies, den nothing.
Not even until the next day.
Where are you when I needed you?

Then next day I couldn't take your cold shoulders anymore and tried to act like I'm okay and tried talking to you.
I told you I feel neglected, like you didn't care.
And again, you showed me that you didn't care.

Then you gave me these 10 values thing and asked me to rank them.
Is this what you're going to say to me when I told you I feel neglected by you?

And after trying further to get you to comfort me, all I got were one sentence replies and you telling me you're going to bed.

You used to tell me you will want to solve any arguments we have before we end the day.
But now, you just brush me off and wants to sleep, leaving me helpless in the middle of the night with a heart full of pain.

I don't know anymore, have I wasted 4 years of my life for this?

How do you sleep peacefully when you know your loved one is in pain.
How could you?

Maybe you just don't love me anymore.

2017 so far........

Started the year at Corine and Kenneth's place for food, drinks and games!

My brother adopted a kitty at his new place, Icing! Who is very shy

Charlotte's first birthday. Xianqiang the first among us to get married & have a kid. The next day after the celebration, his wife gave birth to a second one. WTF, he never let his wife rest is it HAHHAHAHAHA

Trampoline park at some ulu place in Jurong, no air con one, hot die us.

Dinner meetup at some ulu KBBQ buffet place near Little India, cause Yiru buy from Groupon lol.

During CNY.

My cousin got married. 

Bro's 29th birthday. Thanks Shu Ting for treating us to An Ox Box's dry aged beef! Was so goooooood

My mom force me to throw the Doraemon away which my first boyfriend bought for me when I was 15. Because it turned mouldy and had a mouldy smell oops. Actually wanted to throw it 2 years ago I think, cause I had a nightmare about it. But keep dragging cause I couldn't bear to. :( Bye doraemon!

LOL. During CNY when the Nippon sales people bought them some tangerine trees and hampers and asked for a photo. I took it as a farewell photo. Heh bye! Won't miss this place and the people, and thankful for the opportunity there, to allow me to be where I am today (technically I won't be at current company if I didn't get experience here I guess, so even though this place sucks and wasted 1 year of my life, I'm still glad I got some experience)

Shin Hua's wedding! So nice to catch up with the rest of the girls! Attend wedding until blur already.

Celebrated Bong's birthday at some weird cafe!

Celebrated Yanru's birthday at some korean restaurant in Sunset Way!

CNY dinner at Bong's. Shun bian celebrate Phil's Mom birthday.

Carol's birthday! At Korean restaurant again hahahaha

SOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE!

My fourth pillion in my riding life so far. LOL so stressful that time, I hardly pillion people, and she was so scared also. But we are alive! :D

Went JB with my 'JB gang' LOL. Eat and shop, and squeeze and push at custom zzzzzzzzz

CNY at Jenny's place! Loads of food and gambling. 

Finally did some trekking which we have been planning for years. Like seriously. Cause we said our weekends are always the same (Eat, watch movie, nua) due to his work schedule, and wanted to do some activities that doesn't cost $$, because normally in SG do what. Only cafe hopping, do hipster stuff and abit bo liao so... we only can think of this. Lol but Vic wasn't used to it and was super tired after that.

And some selfies. :D

Lol injured myself recently (too much bodycombat and bodypump with not enough stretching) and I couldn't stand straight. So Timx and I slowly walked to Liang Court for lunch and I was in so much pain. When I saw this I just slow in $2 for a few minutes massage. HAHAHA super pathetic. Ended up going to see a doctor for 2 days MC to be bedridden. Until now still can't train cause still super sensitive.

OK I realised I always blog when I'm studying for exams. WTH. OK BYE